Little Cherubs!

So I’m out this morning with the dog when I became aware of some kids behind me…

“Oh look, a Rottweiler, I bet he’s hard” retorted a small shrill (female) voice. “Not as hard as my fucking dick” replied a slightly less shrill (male) voice. I looked around to see two small boys and a slightly taller girl, skipping along to (the primary) school? If any of the kids were over the age of ten, I’d be surprised.

As they passed by, the high-profile court case of ‘attempted rape’ involving children which has been filling the media recently came to mind. Now whatever viewpoint you arrived at because of the case, or indeed the outcome, the issue that this morning brought to mind was; how well do we actually know our kids and the things they get up to? Does our perception of what they are like (when out of sight) really match up with how they actually are in reality? After spending thirty years as a police officer dealing with other peoples (unsupervised) ‘little cherubs’, I can assure you the answer is… Very rarely!

What makes it even worse is when parents show a blind allegiance to their little Johnny when he has some grievance with authority. Take for example the kid who has been chastised as a persistent trouble maker at school, gets punished and then goes home to tell mum that he is being bullied by the teacher. Mum marches down to school to have it out with the head teacher and simply will not accept her snotty little brat is anything less than perfect. And make no mistake, the sweet little mite knows and manipulates the situation to his advantage every time. Kids can be far more manipulative and devious than we give them credit for… I know I was also a kid once too!

Fast forward to the afternoon and all the lovely little angels are leaving their respective schools. So, I’m walking down the street behind two ‘posh’ girls from the Catholic school. The girls, both in their mid teens and to be fair, are subject to a much stricter educational and more uniform conscious regime than can be said of the local comprehensive kids. The conversation goes something like this…

Smaller girl; “so what did you get for your birthday like”? Taller girl; “I got some cash, so we went down the offy and got a 2 litre bottle of voddy, it was like totally mental, got like totally smashed.” Small girl; “didn’t your parents mind?” Tall girl; “fuck them, they were away for the weekend. We had a party and I got a good shagging too, at least I think I did. Can’t really remember… I was mortaled!”

Be warned… Children can be devious and manipulative. There is every chance they really aren’t as good as you think they are and, they very rarely match up with your expectations!

The ‘self admiration’ society…

Have you ever attended a local council meeting?

I have a reasonable amount of experience (via my previous work) with the vagaries of parochial local politics. Soapbox missives delivered by all manner of council ‘officials’ and ‘members’ (councillors). Within these group structures there is usually a range of individuals and personalities…

There’s Mr Metcalfe; the moorland owning (less than eloquent but adequately educated) farmer. Mrs Miggins; the ‘street owning’ neighbourhood watch coordinator (AKA busybody). Julian Icud-Becant Esq., the ‘country pile’ owning pompous self-important self-appointed ‘squire’ (has the plot next door to Metcalfe but actually owns one more field).

As an aside; Julian inherited his spread on marriage to Metcalfe’s brother’s daughter whom he met whilst on a shooting trip with some city trader friends up from London for the weekend. He seized on the ‘opportunity’ for love and happiness in the countryside and retired aged forty after selling his small consultancy in the city. Unfortunately the marriage only lasted a year after the old mans death and the ex Mrs Icud-Bucant has gone back to her maiden name. She now lives happily with her uncle in the single bedroom farm cottage next door.

The latest ‘Lady’ Icud-Bucant (my husband has been promised a peerage in the New Year’s honours list; ‘for political services to the local community’), is big in the WI and local equestrian events. She spends a large amount of time “going up to London as you just simply can’t get anything suitable to wear locally darling”. I am informed by their all-seeing all-knowing cleaner (Mrs Miggins) that ‘er ladyship “does favours for some MP or other whilst she’s down there (wink/grin/nudge), if you know what I mean luv”.

As Julian (thus far) had been unable to secure a position at Westminster, he is confident that his keenly honed and well versed spin doctoring (along with the impending peerage) will secure his place in the upper house. He is also somewhat smug in the thought of poking two fingers in the direction of his local constituency party chairman. They had the affront not to recommend his selection as an MP; sighting his relative inexperience and very recent move to the area… But I digress…

Yesterday I went to a District Committee meeting of the County Council as a ‘public’ observer…

On the one hand; you have the entrepreneurial sales pitching skills of the ‘Dragon’s Den’ ilk and on the other hand, petty pointless politics aimed at maximizing personal popularity and gain within the local area. You also have individuals who happen to be concurrent county, district and town councillors, drawing their ‘expenses’ from three separate pots of public money; nice ‘job’ if you can get one!

Interspersed between these two polarities are the council ‘officials’, many of whom are (rightly or wrongly) fighting to justify their employment and worth. As well as a smattering of ‘non job’ think tank liaison group types and the local police and fire commanders.

So with a packed agenda the meeting started promptly at 2pm and steady flow of hot air and bullshit commenced. Meeting delegates sat around the table and blew sunshine up each others backsides about; how well they had all performed since the last meeting.

The chairman asked a question of one council departmental official which only really required a simple yes or no answer… She paused, assuming to collect her thoughts and formulate the content of her answer and then, she trotted off into ten minutes of ‘nothing speak’ interspersed with a good smattering of the usual “in terms of” and “obstensibly”. She continued…

We have examined all the issues and our possible conclusion would dictate that members are required to examine the intricate detail of all the issues carefully and fully before arriving at any final outcome which can’t be formulated in its entirety within this years budgetary constraints therefore finances would probably dictate a different outcome than the most popular one arrived at which as I’m sure you can all understand is far more critical given all the current drivers from differing stakeholders at the present time.

Wow… I bet she’s popular with her partner! Being able to formulate and deliver a sentence like that (without pause to draw breath) would ensure her premier position in the world oral sex championships. Always assuming he/she can stop her from bloody talking!

So after two hours, did I actually get an answer to the questions that made me go to the meeting in the first place? You’re having a laugh aren’t you!

Disclaimer: Any similarity with any person alive or dead, assumed or implied is fictitious and a direct consequence of personal observations of a real life situation. Any individual who replicates the descriptive traits offered should examine the route cause and make appropriate adjustment prior to seeking any form of retribution or recompense which is not applicable DILLIGAF.

The Truth & Anything but the truth…

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Is it a form of senior management dyslexia or just getting their wucking merds fuddled?

I was thinking (as I do from time to time) about why politicians and senior police officers continue to embellish the truth about crime statistics. And, why they are happy to spend large sums of public cash, trying to convince the public things are actually better than we think they are?

It is evident so many of them don’t appear to give a stuff about crime and antisocial behaviour; just so long as it’s not going on in their back yard. The ”sod you jack I’m ok” mentality which unfortunately is so often a feature of today’s society… The only time most show any concern is when there’s a real possibility that public mumblings and perceptions may have a negative effect on their popularity; and consequently their salary or promotion prospects.

Another major factor in the process of handling and control of ‘public information’ within middle management; the ’fear factor’… Adrian Cronauer (made famous by the film ‘Good Morning Vietnam) refers to this in one of his talks as the ‘beurocracy factor’ (see latter part of video below).

Be it an enforced censorship by a government department or an involuntary one due to worrying about career prospect negativity, it still amounts to the same… “Lie to the public because, they only need to know what we think they need to know”.

Year on year and, irrespective of ‘manipulated’ government crime statistics and, the myriad of  ’safer neighbourhood team’ soundbites, trotted out to an expectant and hungry media by senior police officers; the failing war on Crime and Anti Social Behaviour IS having a negative impact upon people’s quality of life in many areas of this Country. 

The first victim of war is truth - Rudyard Kipling