Living life in the chicken run!

Image via Wikipedia

Slightly tongue in cheek perhaps and despite the fact it’s an old analogy, the story below fits well with my previous post about the hamster wheel. Have you ever noticed how, the older one gets, the more times you witness (and endure) youthful exuberance imposing their reinvented wheel on the rest of us?

Most of those who are so excited about their ‘new’ idea, forget to reasearch and understand the past. Far to freely, they are happy to dismiss the knowledge and condemn the experiences of the wise old owls, often failing to take cognisance of historical fact. It may only be a generalistic trait but it’s one that is very common in our society today. We should all understand; we ignore and poo poo this experience at our peril, in so many walks of life.

Many people far wiser than I have been making this point for centuries. Indeed, the much quoted Chinese philosopher and reformer Confucius (551 BC – 479 BC) was probably one of the first when he said; Study the past if you would define the future. Throughout history there have been people wise enough to take cognisance of the past, but unfortunately, also just as many who haven’t.

That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that History has to teach…(Aldous Huxley - English Novelist & Critic, 1894-1963)

One story that you may or may not have heard before, is an amusing example of the problem of youthful arrogance within our society. It’s one of those social problems which is having negative impacts upon the business world, our family lives and ultimately our society as a whole so read on…

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. 

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, ‘OK old fart, time for you to retire.’  The old rooster replies, ‘Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?’

The young rooster says, ‘Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.’ The old rooster thinks for a moment then says, ‘I tell you what, young stud… I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.’

The young rooster laughs.’You know you don’t stand a chance, old man but  just to be fair, I will give you a head start.’

The old rooster takes off running.  About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can… The Farmer grabs his shotgun and – BLAM – he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, ‘Dammit……That’s the third gay rooster I bought this month.’

Moral of this story? – Don’t mess with the OLD FARTS – Age, skill, wisdom, experience and even a little treachery when required, will always overcome youth and arrogance!

The above story may have been a little juvenile in its humour but it does serve to illustrate a point. I will admit to the exuberance of youth in my younger days however; whilst questioning the methodology and raison d’être of those much older and wiser than I, there was always a background of respect of and for the experience of age. An understanding that time-served in whatever scenario, actually counted for something.

It tought me that I could learn a lot from my elders, if I was prepared to listen to them, which thankfully I was. Whether I agreed with them or not was often immaterial, just so long as I didn’t fall foul of the same mistakes they had made in their past.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe…(H. G. Wells, The Outline of History, vol.2 – English author & historian, 1866 – 1946)

Perhaps we would make far fewer mistakes now, if we took greater cognisance of our past? The sooner we understand that ignoring our history, and those more experienced than us, the sooner we can actually get our heads around the fact; ignorance of the past has profoundly negative impacts upon our future!

Chilli Lovers Beware!

Image via Wikipedia

Today I got one of those comical e-mails that do the rounds however; on this occasion, it actually reminded me somewhat of an ‘accident’ with a little too much chilli, that occurred in the kitchen of the Fisherman’s Arms. I reproduce it in full below for your amusement…

The following story, was relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico (apparently). If you pay attention to the first two judges, The reaction of the third judge is even better!!  The New Mexico Chili Cook-off at Santa Fe Plaza takes place around Halloween. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.  

Frank was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.  The original person called in sick at the last  moment he happened to be standing near the judge’s table, asking for directions to the beer truck, when the call came in.  He was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and besides, there was free beer for the judges during the tasting… He accepted and became Judge #3. 

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:-

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC  MONSTER CHILI

• Judge #  1 — A little too heavy on  the tomato.  Amusing kick.
• Judge #  2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor.  Very mild.
• Judge # 3  (Frank) –  Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff?  You could remove dried paint from your driveway.  Took me two beers to put the flames out.  I hope that’s the worst one.  These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S  AFTERBURNER CHILI

• Judge #  1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork.  Slight jalapeno tang.
• Judge #  2 — Exciting  BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
• Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children.  I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain.  I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.  They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S  FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

• Judge #  1 — Excellent firehouse  chili.  Great kick.
• Judge #  2 — A bit  salty, good use of peppers.
• Judge #  3 — Call the EPA.  I’ve located a uranium spill.  My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano.  Everyone knows the routine by  now.  Get me more beer before I ignite.  Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my  chest.  I’m getting sh*t-faced from all of the  beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA’S  BLACK MAGIC 

• Judge #  1 — Black bean chili with almost  no spice.  Disappointing.
• Judge #  2 — Hint of lime in the black beans.  Good side dish for fish or other mild  foods, not much of a chili.
• Judge #  3 — I felt  something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it.  Is it possible to burn out taste buds?  Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.  This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ….  Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating!  Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S  LEGAL LIP REMOVER

• Judge #  1 — Meaty, strong chili.  Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick.  Very impressive.
• Judge #  2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.  Must admit the  jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
• Judge #  3 — My ears  are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes.  I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics.  The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.  Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.  I wonder if I’m burning my lips off..  It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.   Screw them.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S  VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

• Judge #  1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian  variety chili.  Good balance of spices and peppers.
• Judge #  2 — The best yet.  Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.  Superb.
• Judge #  3 — My  intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric  flames.  I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it  will eat through the chair.  No one seems inclined to stand  behind me except that Sally.  Can’t feel my lips anymore.   I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S  SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

• Judge #  1 — A mediocre chili with  too much reliance on canned peppers.
• Judge #  2 — Ho hum,  tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at  the last moment.  **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3.  He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
• Judge #  3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a  thing.  I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water.  My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth.  My pants are full of lava to match my shirt.  At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me.  I’ve decided to stop breathing.   It’s too painful.  Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen  anyway.  If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch  hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S  TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

• Judge #  1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.  Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
• Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili.  Neither mild nor hot.  Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.  Not sure if he’s going to make it.  Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
• Judge # 3 — No report !!!